Welcome to my worlds. 

There is snail mail...

Naw, nobody uses that anymore

...and I hate talking on the phone
 Hey!
Did someone leave an email address at the bottom of every page?
You could use that!

You could also go and subscribe to my blog.

However pointless that seems to be.

I promise to write stuff in it ( in my "spare" time, that no one will read) eventually...

Or... you could use that thingy on the left there->

Yeah, this thingy

Aparently I might even notice this.

Especially if you know or happen to be a literary agent.

Although, if you are just a sales person marketing website services that I neither want nor need I will probably blow you off.

 I'm just saying...